'Hello, everyone! I suppose you're all wondering what's happened to the Crombies! It's been a few months since the last update, but I can promise it hasn't been forgotten.'
The horribly decrepit and dying laptop I used to play the Sims with was given away to Scott (yes, that Scott) along with all the data. I don't know how to move the Crombies neighbourhood over to another game (or if it's even possible) so until Scott has the time to figure it out and send me the data I can't do another update.
But I can at least offer this little update full of terrible MS Paint pictures by Catriona and myself to tide us over. Eventually we will be able to return to the proper schedule of...
... inexplicable fires...
... clipping errors...
... repressed homoeroticism...
... and Nooreen.
But we must be patient. So, until then, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the dramatis personae for the thrilling adventure you are about to read...
CATRIONA
JACK
NOOREEN
PYKE
Though they don't know it yet, these four are all that stand between the light of destiny and the cold shadow of death, a shadow that threatens to put the whole of planet Earth in its vile shade. They are our saviours. They are our last hope. They are...
But this is not that story. Our story begins on a busy, bustling Saturday morning where the Crombies are out shopping in the streets of harblebarble, one of the largest cities in the country of sumthincoffcoff.
'Hello, Nooreen,' said Catriona. 'I just discovered some watermelons for a half price discount! I love watermelons!'
'Do YOU like watermelons, Nooreen?' Catriona suddenly asked, her wide eyes begging for the sweet release of an answer to her burning question.
Yes. Nooreen liked watermelons.
As they continued their journey, the Crombies came across a shop they did not recall having seen before.
'Goodness, I wonder what they sell?' asked Jack as he peered into the entrance.
'Only one way to find out!' Pyke opined to her attentive friends. 'We should go inside!'
'Oh, yes, let's!' Catriona happily agreed, clapping her hands with joy. 'It will be such a caper!'
Suddenly there was a cry from inside the shop! It was Jack!
'Hey, come over here!' he yelled. 'I've found an old oil lamp with a genie inside! He says he's called Greg!'
The others ran to Jack's side quickly.
'Hello,' the genie said to the four. 'My name is Greg. I will grant all of you a single wish each!'
'I thought genies were only in the first game,' Pyke objected, but no one paid her any heed. 'I would like some rabbits,' she added.
'My wish is your command,' the genie intoned.
And with a bang and a puff of silver smoke four little bunny rabbits appeared at Pyke's feet! Oh, how they frolicked and danced! The Crombies did laugh to see such sport, and clapped their hands as the fluffy little creatures chased each other playfully on the floor. Pyke, however, was not amused.
'These are not the rabbits I wanted,' Pyke complained. 'These are the silliest rabbits I have ever seen!'
'Tough shit,' the genie replied sadly with a gentle smile.
'This must be what they mean when they say to be careful what you wish for,' Jack announced, grimly. 'For every greedy desire we wish indulged, karma will inevitably turn them upon us in a cruel, cosmic joke meant to teach us the value of humility. We should proceed with great caution-'
'I want a pony!' Catriona interrupted. 'And some biscuits!'
'How many biscuits would you like?' the genie asked.
'Five,' Catriona replied. 'I would like five biscuits.'
'Your wish is my command,' the genie intoned.
'These are dog biscuits! Oh, you are a wicked genie!' Catriona cried. 'What a mean trick!'
Jack decided it was his turn. 'I would love to have a marvellous hat,' he said to the genie. 'But no tricks! I want the best hat possible with no bad consequences!'
'Your wish is my command,' intoned the genie.
And a moment later, Jack was wearing the most splendid hat you ever did see!
'Oh, I am positively charmed!' Jack said, admiring his reflection in a mirror. He was just about to adjust the hat when- POOF!
'I did not want to be a starfish,' Jack grumbled. 'I knew the hat was too risky! Darn it!'
Nooreen was the last one to make a wish! But what to choose? Ideas and notions passed like butterflies through the temperate forest of Nooreen's mind. In a flash of inspiration, Nooreen knew what she wanted.
'I want to be a ballerina!' she told the genie. 'And Pyke too so I can have someone to practise with.'
'Huh, what?' Pyke asked, shaking a rabbit off one foot. 'Fuck off.'
'Your wish is my command,' intoned the genie.
'Hooray! I'm a ballerina!' Nooreen said, smiling, as she pirouetted to and fro, throwing Pyke in the air and catching her again as she whirled across the shop.
'How come she doesn't get any bad stuff?' asked Catriona through a mouthful of dog biscuit.
POOF!
'Space ballerinas!' Nooreen said. 'What a gyp! We should've gone to Tesco's.'
Fortunately for the Crombies, they soon re-entered the Earth's atmosphere and were able, after a fashion, to return home in time to watch a rerun of Father Ted. They'd missed the beginning, but they'd seen it before, so it was alright.
Fin.
Posts
