Day Thirty-One

Alright, today we're going to be fulfilling Catriona's wants in a bid to stop her mooching around all the time. I might do this with the others over the next three days too. They all do an awful lot of crying and it's getting on my nerves.

Let's get this started.


... Later, I guess? Making Catriona happy is just going to have to wait. In the meantime, lets enjoy a shower scene!


Oh, yeah. Scrub those wrinkly old armpits like you mean it, baby.


I'd forgotten all about this thing. No Mary Jane for the Crombies this week.

Pyke has awoken, taken a bath, and ready to begin a brand new day. The sun is out, the birds are singing- but something's not quite right...

'Good morning, Pyke.'







'We're friends, right?'







'Dude, of course we're friends-'







'And we'd be friends no matter what, right?'







'Nooreen, what's going on? You're beginning to freak me out a bit-'







'HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK, A BOAT!'








'Sorry, got distracted. So yeah, we're totally friends. What's up?'







'I think... I think I killed a man.'







'You... you...'








'... You're peeing on my leg, man.'







'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!'







'Being pissed on makes me angry... it makes me very angry!'








Jesus Christ! Those teeth!


Fuck. This. Game.


'I have taken life! I don't know what to do! Woe is me!'







'Yeah, that sucks, man.'







'I... I can't stay any longer! When I'm ready - I'll tell you the whole story.'








'The cleaning skill point will be MINE!'








Not this again. What's so bad about the rest of the gym equipment? Why do they so enjoy being smashed to pieces in this thing?

Ten seconds later...


Jack tumbles out of the machine and starts crying about wetting himself. Which is odd, because I don't see any puddles anywhere-


Ah. And the lift's broken too, I'll get someone to fix that later.


'I wonder if anyone's tried to corner the market for telling fortunes with toilet bowls. The distribution of grime, the number of floaters... I could scam a lot of idiots with that.'





'Someone kill me now...'







OK, Pyke, let Nooreen have her bath. You've got a lift to repair!


Or perhaps not?


Shoving a spanner into high voltage circuitry? You really ought to know better, Pyke.


'Ag ag ag ag ag ag ag-'








Hey hey, she survived! Pyke lives to fight another day. The poor old dear.


Pyke looks like she just walked off the set of Home Alone. Well, then, you'd better go have a lie down or something, maybe drink a glass of water, have a shower, make an appointment to see the doctor, make sure there's no lasting damage-


Where are you going?


Pyke, I don't think that's really wise.


Uh oh.


Every. Single. Time. This thing's more predictable than Iranian elections (haha, it's topical).


Now that Pyke's realised the weird spinning gryo-thingamajig = PAIN maybe she'll do something else.


Nope.


'FUCK FUCK FUCK AARGH MY RIBS I LOST MY RIBS MY LUNGS ARE FILLING WITH BLOOD AARGHKLBPTHH'







'OH SHIT I CAN SEE MY HEART I CAN SEE MY HEART SOMEONE HELP ME MY GUTS ARE GOING ROUND MY NECK I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE AARGH FUCK AARGH FUUUCK'


Catriona's back! And she's been promoted! That's a damn good start to her day already!


Now, if we can fulfill enough of her wants, Catriona should stop randomly crying all the time. Standing around and sobbing their heart out is what happens when a sim is not being kept happy. I've been very hands-off with these sims, so inevitably they're crying pretty much ALL THE TIME.

Let's try and do something about that.

Catriona's wants are currently:

Ask Sim on Date
Toast Marshmallows
Influence Someone to put Soap into the Fountain
Play a Computer Game

The only immediately doable one is 'play a computer game' but we've seen that loads of times. Let's get her to toast marshmallows.


Pyke has decided to entertain herself with something a little less bone-breaking by studying Jack's artwork. Whaddaya think, Pyke?

'It's shit.'







Yeah... it is. Uh oh, Pyke's social meter's bottomed out! We all know what that means, kids!


'THE SOCIAL BUNNY!'


Right first time!


'... Fuck, you're one creepy rabbit.'








One spiffing new bonfire later, and we are ready to toast some marshmallows!


This is so fucking uninteresting.


Pyke drops by to see what all the fuss is about. Apparently she has no idea what a bonfire is! She then gets a phonecall - what an update hog. We've barely heard from the other Crombies!


'Whenever I phone, some guy tells me to back off! But I know you'd never leave me for some MAN, not when we share something so precious, so special, so-'





'Sorrygottago' *click*







Holy shit, Pyke, RUN.


HE NEVER SLEEPS.

Catriona's gone to bed, so I'll fulfill the rest of her wants when she wakes up.


'Hey, Nooreen, you ready to tell me your story? Don't mind the rabbit.'







'Rabbit?'







'Uh, never mind.'







'What's with all the festering burn scars and sloughing flesh? That's what I'd really like to know.'






'I, ah, tried to fix the back door lift.'







'But that's EASY, you shouldn't have had any problems with that unless you're some kind of MORON.'






'Who did you kill then? You were going to tell me earlier before you ruined my favourite trousers.'






'He was... a sumo wrestler.'








'A sumo wrestler?!'







'WHERE?!'







'I was repeating what you said. You said you killed a sumo wrestler. But why?'







'Well-'








'Woah, hold on a second, got a call from Harriet. Fuck off, rabbit.'







'Huh?'








'Hey there, Hattie, Nooreen told me your species are all hippos with wings! That is FUCKED UP, man! How are you supposed to look pretty when you're a giant fat blob on legs? No offence, but I'll bet you can't even wear lip gloss.'






'What the- BRIEFCASES ARE FANTASTIC, FUCK YOU BITCH.'








'No, I've never been on a plane, and I don't WANT to! You know what those things do to the environment?'






'Do you- do you want to hear the rest of my story? It's the most important thing that ever happened to me!'






'Yeah? Didn't hear you- hold on a sec- Nooreen, can't you see I'm on the phone?! Jesus Christ... yeah, Hattie- sorry, Harriet...'







'He NEVER.'








Embittered, Nooreen wanders off to fix the lift and mop up Jack's piss. As you do.


'Saucy!'






Keep those teeth away! AWAY!

Elsewhere, Nooreen is trying to find something to distract her from her guilt and sorrow.


THIS. FUCKING. GAME.


... And Pyke's fallen asleep in the bathroom. Someone needs to take these guys to an old folks' home. All they ever do is fall asleep in random places, piss themselves, and spontaneously burst into tears. They need the care.


Catriona's woken up at last! I think the next want on the agenda is... ask a sim on a date. Let's see if Nooreen's up to it.


Nooreen is inscrutable.


Either that's the beginning of a smile or Nooreen had a pretty damn serious accident with a knife.


She accepted! But now they're just... lying there. This isn't going to be a very interesting date, I can tell.


'You see House the other night? It's never lupus is it, haha. Ha.'








Hmm.


'I killed a man yesterday. I've been so afraid to tell anyone, but I feel I can tell you. It all happened when I found this hat-'






'Whatever, Noo-na. I'm bored of just sitting around, let's go do something.'







'This means a lot to me though-'







'You billed someone for a bat or something, whatever, come on! I know the perfect place.'








'Thanks for bringing me out here, Catriona, I really appreciate it, but there's something I need to tell you before I go mad!'






'Come closer. I'll listen to anything you say.'







'Oh, thank God, I thought I was going to go crazy. I can't tell you how much this has been preying on me... keeping me awake at night... I can never stop hearing the screams or feeling the blood still warm on my hands!-'






'Surprise!'








It's Bart! Nooreen watches him, aghast.

'I'm going to go push the swings! This is the best date ever!'








No caption necessary.


Nooreen wants to play on the swings but they're fully occupied.

And she is fucking furious.


Not only that, but she's managed to piss herself TWICE in one day, and on both occasions she was DIRECTLY NEXT TO A FUCKING TOILET.

The date-o-meter has plummeted straight to its lowest point: the horrible date.


According to her relationship status, Nooreen blames Catriona for her wetting herself. That's... odd.


Nooreen gives a bewildered Catriona an angry shove for... something? I don't understand why Nooreen pissing herself has anything to do with Catriona. It makes no sense.

Let's see if we can fulfill another of Catriona's wants: influence someone to pull a prank.

'Nooreen... look into my eyes and obey: I will prank Bart.'







'I... will... prank... Bart...'







Woman on a wission.

Uh, mission.


'Hello, Bart. I'm going to randomly walk away instead of pranking you thus ruining what should have been a wonderfully comedic moment. See ya.'






What the- wait- what-

THIS! FUCKING! GAAAAAAAAAAAME!


Miss Crumplebottom then wanders by and heckles Bart for wearing swimwear, I think? Which he clearly isn't? What in the fuck is wrong with this game?!'


Lucky escape, pal. You're not getting away that easy though. Through hell or high water, you WILL be pranked.


The electric buzzer handshake! Oldest trick in the book! Oh, lordy, how I love cheap thrills.


Those old ladies, they love their practical jokes!


'Wow, that was a hoot! You have a great time? I had the BEST time! You wanna tell me that story now?'






'Fuck you and die.'







We're nearing the end of the day now. I wonder what the other two are doing.


Wonderful! I didn't think anyone was ever going to use that thing. Nice to see Pyke's finally cleaned herself up.

Jack meanwhile is in the middle of a crisis.


You see, Jack here hasn't spoken to a single person all day. His loneliness has driven him to the brink of madness and over into the realms of insanity. Do you know what that means kids?!


'THE SOCIAL BUNNY!'


That's right. The motherfucking social bunny. Quite the cliffhanger, huh?

And do you know what? We actually went through a whole update without a single mention of Scott!

Wait.

Shit.