Day Thirty-Four

I present to you, faithful reader, Rainbow Cottage's latest extension!


This is the sun room! A nice little viewing platform for anyone wanting to just meditate and enjoy the view.

... And yes, I am very much running out of ideas for new rooms.


The only access point to the sun room is from the break room. I had to move the staircase over a bit to make it fit.


I'm having serious problems getting the whole house to fit in a screenshot now! I'm almost afraid to zoom out because the computer protests so much. I had to build the sun room twice because the game crashed the first time. Note that the palm tree is apparently going straight through a roof.


Moving on, today is the day we pander to Nooreen's every whim! Let's see what her wants are:

1. Make a new friend.
2. Earn a logic skill point.
3. Earn a mechanical skill point.
4. Earn a cleaning skill point.

Well... those are... fascinating.


'Hey, dude, what's in the box?'







'Hope, Pyke. Hope is inside.'








'If I get all the right numbers in a row I win the game!'







'... Oh, neat. Can I play? I'm feeling a bit lonely-'







'No, fuck off. It's mine! YOU'LL GET FINGERPRINTS ON IT.'







I'm rather bored of the weird bingo game thing. I'm going to sell it.


Myshuno? Fabulously zany? All you ever see them do is peer at a box and excitedly study the green diamond things (apparently called plumbobs) that rattle around inside the globe. That's not fabulous or zany. It's mediocre and dull.


I've moved the telescope to a better position. No time like the present for granting Nooreen's every desire. Nooreen can use this to get a logic skill point! That sounds... logical.


Nooreen spots a jeep. Wonderful.


'Catriona, I'm really bummed man, do you wanna talk-'







'Can't talk, going to be late for work! Go drink a cocktail or something, that's what I'd do.'






'I'm seriously depressed here, dude-'







'Sweet, sweet sugary alcohol... NO GOTTA GO SEE YOU LATER.'








*sniff*







Meanwhile, Nooreen giggles with salacious delight, obviously spying something juicy and ripe for gossiping. What is it? Is someone naked in their garden? Are two neighbours up to something carnal?


She's seen a garden decoration belonging to the Assortments across the road. Saucy.

Nooreen has now gained a logic skill point. There's nothing I can immediately do to get her skill points for cleaning or mechanics so let's see if we can make her a new friend! The sim closest to being a new friend to Nooreen is Harriet, so let's give her a call.


Oh. OK. So who's the next down the line then?

...

What, really? Alright then...


I can't recall whether her name's been mentioned before, but this is Alana of the Assortment family. I keep expecting some sort of alien proboscis to slither out of her mouth and taste the air for the scent of prey.


Goddammit, Nathen, leave the poor girl alone! Or old lady I suppose.


'Hello, Alana, I was just taking a gander through my telescope when it occured to me that we've been neighbours for over a sim month and we've never really got to know one another properly. Maybe we could be friends!'





'Grbblfbfllfgraargh.'







'I already know what you like to do with your flamingos... I... didn't need to hear any more.'






'BLARF!'







So, we've got to get these two to be friends! There's a lot (A LOT) of options for how to interact two sims. You can get them to entertain each other, to play with each other, to flirt, to dance, to ask stuff, to annoy... the list goes on. Let's get Nooreen to ask Alana a question from the available list.

'So, Alana... what turns you on?'








'Hgrbllflaaah... FATTIES! I like fatties!'







'I've got some sumo wrestling DVDs if you're interested.'








Boldly adventure where no other has been for thousands of years or retreat like a wuss and allow some other bastard to take the glory?! NO THANKS! If Indiana Jones can get away with contaminating an archaeological site with no consequences then so can you!


Gosh. If you ask me, I think the logic point was worth it.


Jack's up and in the mood for bowling. Unfortunately, he threw with such force that his arms were mutilated beyond recognition.


:D

They're back again!


Nooreen wants ANOTHER logic point (sheesh) so I decided to kill two birds with one stone by getting her and Alana to play chess while they get to know one another. Chess develops logic, in case you didn't know.

'Grobsffloff... looks like rain!'







'What is rain?'








'So, Alana tell me more about yourself.'








'It was problslofflglob- probably a year ago when I discovered I loved kissing. I met this handsome guy, he totally swept me off my feet! I thought we'd be together forevehglofflglofflbloghf.'






'What... what happened?'








'He... grobflogbg... came to me one day and gave me a flower... he said he wanted to kiss me... with TONGUES!'






'With tongues?!'







'Yes... he had smart hair, dashing features, eyes as brightly blue as the sky on a summer afternoon... he leant in and our lips touched...'







'Yes? YES?'







'Then he almost ripped my face off! I couldn't get away, he just kept on inhaling and sucking until my mouth was permanently disfigured... I was beautiful once you know! But now... I'm nothing but a monster... hgrobblgrobblflobg...'





'That's terrible! Who is this guy?!'







'His name was... Nathen Landry!








HOLY MOLEY!


'I'd have been more surprised if Nathen hadn't already been the dramatic reveal fifteen times already.'






'That man stole my beauty! If I ever see him again I'll kill him! I'll KILL HIGLOBRFLORBGH!'






'Say it loud and proud, sister.'








'Jack, I've had a really lousy day. I wake up depressed and no one will speak to me then I destroy what was probably the greatest archaeological discovery of the century by accident... man, I just want to sit in a corner and cry.'





'You probably don't want to hear this but... I hit the wrong button on my computer and printed out your diary. The window was open and all the pages blew away towards town.'





'...'







'It was quite pretty actually.'








'I can't decide which one of us I want to die more! My poor head!'








'Wait, have you been reading my diary?!'







'Not on purpose! I was looking for embarrassingly erotic fan fiction but I couldn't find any. I actually wrote some of my own! Ahem...'








'It was a dark and stormy night and Winnie the Pooh was relaxing after a long and punishing poohsticks session...'







'No, man, just no! Shut the fuck up! Why don't you shut the fuck up?!'








'All I'm saying is FUCK THE HIPPIES am I right?'







'Have you been reading the Daily Mail again?'







'Fred Basset is my favourite conservative icon.'







Nooreen meanwhile, has gained another logic point. Her new desire is:


LET'S BUY A FUCKING CURTAIN, PEOPLE! RAISE THE ROOF!


OH YEAH, LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING THINGS, VERITABLE OBJETS D'ART IF I EVER SAW ONE.


'We've been hurt by Nathen too. If you ever see him, let us know - we know his weakness.'






'You're the best blofglobhgh I could have ever hoped for, Nooreen.'








'I'm just depressed, OK? Stop making things worse. I'm just about ready to explode here.'






'I don't think your lab coat complements your figure.'












Does anyone else remember the plate that's been lying up on the second floor balcony for weeks? Jack's just PICKED IT UP. Is this really a notable or exciting event, I hear you ask? No. No it is not. I endured the tedium - you must suffer it. It is a perfect division of labour.


Now here's something interesting - Jack wants to use the toilet so he walks from the break room, to the lift, to go to the toilet on the first floor.

HE IS FUCKING STUPID.

Let me illustrate:


Jack begins in the break room. He needs to pee. The closest toilet to him physically is his favourite bathroom on the first floor, but to get there he needs to follow the orange line. If he followed the lime green line he would be able to go to the second floor bathroom (which I've accidentally labelled as the third floor bathroom) much more quickly. As you can see, he's right next to a toilet but turns to go into the lift anyway.

Now, let's assume for a moment that maybe he just really wanted to use the first floor bathroom. Going by lift still isn't the quickest way to get there! There's a staircase in the break room leading to the recreation room which is right next door to - guess what - the fucking first floor bathroom! It makes no sense!

Jack, your inadequate pathfinding programming disappoints and disgusts me. Shame, sir. Shame on YOU.


And after all that, Pyke beats him to it anyway. How about that.


'Aw, shucks!'








'What the hell is snow? I'm sorry, Alana, but this whole concept of "weather" is a bit beyond me.'






There's not much happening now. Nooreen and Catriona are both asleep and Jack's cooking pork chops.


And yet... something in the shadows is watching... waiting for its chance.


Pyke tells all about the time she wet herself. For some reason.


Holy shit.


Should you ever discover a dark shadowy dog with glowing yellow eyes, take Pyke's lead and play fetch with it. You may just learn something.

Catriona and Nooreen are up, Alana's wandered off, and Jack's going to sleep. It's time for a Crombie Ladies' Night Out!™


'Pyke, you're in your pyjamas. You can't go to a nightclub wearing just your pyjamas.'






'You're not the boss of me, DAD!'










The P.U.R.E. nightclub. It kinda looks like the designers didn't really know what to do with this place so they just chucked a bit of everything in. It's a simple rectangle with a nightclub at one side and a gyroscope on the other. For some reason there's a public computer in the lobby.


Och, Catriona! Put away that damn GameBoy! You do this every time! I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE A NICE NIGHT OUT IS THAT SO WRONG?!


Call me paranoid if you must, but I think that's a little unsafe.


We can't even have one day go by without one of you chuckleheads riding the damn gyroscope can we? I've got to admit, the coloured light's kinda cool though-


Fuckin' ouch, man!


It's Brychan Chumble everybody! And a cat! This is the best dance floor evah!

One really annoying thing about visiting commercial districts in The Sims 2 is that everything is viewed from this top-down perspective. I can't look at things from eye level like I can in residences. Really quite annoying that.


Pyke's too cool for dancing. All she's doing is making this 'Romans are crazy' gesture over and over and over again.


The dance floor's getting quite crowded now. Can't help but laugh at Pyke though. She stands out like a socially awkward thumb.


Hey, it's one of the new neighbours! Say hello to Kate Hunter everyone!



'Don't let the grey blobs get you.'







'The grey what?'







'The blobs. They eat new neighbours. You ever heard of the Wilsons?'







'No.'







'EXACTLY.'







The image in the speech bubble is actually a cloud. All the speech bubble images are really crappy because I've had to put the graphics at their lowest settings to stop - no to reduce the chances of the computer throwing a major wobbler and crashing.

Let's hope I can finish the Crombies before this computer explodes.


'So what brings you to our neck of the snowglobe?'







'We're on the run from the police for mass murder, fraud, extortion, organised crime... stuff like that. We're holding out here for a while until the heat cools off.'





'Oh. Wow.'







'Yeh'd better not tell anyone or I'll stick a knife under you're shin and slit yeh down to the belly button! We have an understanding?'






'I need to go pee.'








'THERMOMETERS!'








'Alright, I'm back.'







'I'm the head of our small crime syndicate... Kate Hunter. We've got operations spanning the globe. You remember that jewel heist in SimCity two years ago?'






'No-'







'That was us! The five of us are a great team, though Daisy's maybe a bit too keen on the killin' side of things. She garotted the staff with cheap necklaces because she thought it would be a good demonstration of comparative socio-economic bullcrap or something...'




'Your murdering thug is called Daisy?'







'Somethin' wrong with that, missy?'







'Nope, no, not at all.'








She's still doing it. Stay cool, Pyke. Stay cool.


Bertina Ploop vs. Alana Assortment - who is the fouler abomination?! PLACE YOUR BETS NOW!


'We're too good for these norms, Catriona! Let's blow this joint and go compare lipstick shades!'






'I brought three flavours of lip gloss for just such an occasion!'







'Mine has sparkles.'








For some reason when ever Brychan's around, her face will appear in the thought bubbles of nearby sims. For some even stranger reason, that song from Some Like It Hot pops into my head every time it happens and it won't go away!


HELL NAW

Pyke needs to learn some lessons about respecting others' personal space.


'So there, I was, a severed hand in the kidney bowl and the X-ray in my hand - when I suddenly realised it was his LEFT hand I was supposed to remove! Oh my, did I feel ever so silly!'





'I ate my first husband's hands off to feed my spawn vital nutrients - but some of them developed with serious abnormalities anyway! Men are so useless, huh?'






Oh, hey, it's Daisy Hunter. The Butcher of SimTower!


'Now this particular skiing instructor owed me money but he hadn't paid up so I says to my girls, I says: "Bring him down, ladies. By any means necessary." His body was found hangin' off a chairlift the very next day. I told him, you know, if yeh've got the money to go sliding down a mountain, then yeh've got the money to pay me for protection.'




'It's about respect, yeh know. Yeh've got to have more than guts if you're gonna stay ahead of the game... yeh've got to have bones too. Some kids? They don't have bones.'





'I've, uh, just realised how late it is. I should be heading home-'







'I'll see yeh around kid-'







'I'm older than you-'







'- And if yeh need anyone taken out of the picture then I'm yehr girl. Yeh remember that now, alright kid?'






'Y-yes, ma'am.'








'Now the difference between your *hic* average two-pound triple-buckled fast-locked Houghsbury with the matching *hic* spangles and the far inferior-'






'PYKE, we're leaving! Mak sure you've still got your pyjamas and get in the car!'






'I'm talkin' BRIEFCASES through *hic* here! It's serious busi-busiwasi- STUFF, man. 'S BRIEFCASES.'






'Get in the car. NOW.'







'Fine, whatever. But I'm having the front *hic* seat!'








'The fuck?'








Six a.m. is upon us I'm afraid, and that's a rap for today. Next time on the Crombies, we're going to have another guest crash with our wayward foursome for three days. But who will this mystery sim be? You'll just have to wait and find out!

Until then... watch this space.