Day Thirty-Three

Today we cheer up Pyke! Let's see what her wants are:

1. See a wolf.
2. Gain a cleaning skill point.
3. Look through telescope.
4. Uh...


Pyke thinks it would be awesome to be a werewolf! Neato!

... This game really is shit isn't it? Better go look through that telescope Pyke. I can't be arsed trying to find things for her to clean and there aren't any wolves around.


The usual mysterious grey-blue mist obscures all stars from view. But Pyke doesn't mind.


Not when you can spy on next door's shrubbery! And people say nothing exciting ever happens in The Crombies!


All that botanical voyeurism has properly tuckered her out! Let's go see what Jack's doing.


Oh, fuck off. Not this again. ANYTHING BUT THIS.


Jack, I have arranged a punishment for your repetitive, boring love affair with the spinny gyroscopic thingamajig. You will exercise on every single one of these other appliances in a row.

Hop to it and don't whine!


I WANT TO SEE YOUR SINEWS BURST. I WANT TO SEE THE SWEAT AND BLOOD TRICKLE DOWN YOUR FACE. I WANT TO HEAR YOU BEG FOR MERCY.


AH HA HA HA HA! EAT THAT TREADMILL, EAT IT!


WORK THOSE CALVES! WORK THEM UNTIL THEY MOO.


Your tears are like wine to me, Jack. Like wine.


Pyke's broken the bathtub. And she's mopping up the neverending stream of water issuing from it. Girl wants her cleaning skill point.


I think the stress has ruptured his groin. Next machine, Jack! Sharpish!


YOU BLUBBERING LITTLE CRY-BABY! YOU'RE BARELY HALFWAY THROUGH!

Fine. Beat it. Sheesh...


You lying son of a bitch.


You're turning me into a hack writer, Jack! This crap's more predictable than Mills & Boon!


'What's going on? I thought I heard girly screams.'







'Don't look at me!'







It was around this time I put a new window up. Pyke and Jack immediately wandered over to assess it.


Pyke hates it, of course.


'You know, sometimes I think S-bend road signs are the only things I ever talk about sometimes.'







'Dude, that's right. I do like briefcases.'








'Pyke! There- there's a thing above my head!'







'You've just gotta go with the flow, man.'








Random pillow fight! Like an old alcoholic friend, it keeps coming back when it's not wanted.


Still a bit amusing sometimes.

Those teeth!


This is a picture of Jack grinning smugly after Pyke's pillow phased completely through his head.


You know what? Nooreen's never had a day out by herself. Let's go check out the Khyber Kingdom!


Wow, that light's in exactly the same place as every other time you've visited and thoroughly inspected it! I'd go as far as to say that it has not changed one fucking iota!

I tried to stop her from looking at all the other lights. She did it anyway. I hate this game. I hate life. I hate myself.


Nooreen decides to browse some magazines. It's so... BORING... I can't imagine why they programmed this in. I can only imagine the conversation went something like this:

Programmer 1: OK, we've got shops in this game, but we need to fill them with interesting things to buy and peruse! What have you got for me?
Programmer 2: I've designed a magazine rack! Sims can browse it! They'll pick up a magazine and flick through it a few times and then put it back!
Programmer 1: Nice! Is the animation interesting?
Programmer 2: Nope!
Programmer 1: Well... will the sim pick a magazine it likes and buy it?
Programmer 2: Nope!
Programmer 1: Is it at all useful to the player by indicating general interests or desires...?
Programmer 2: What do I look like, some kind of coding genius?! No!
Programmer 1: So it's a complete waste of time then?
Programmer 2: Meh.
Programmer 1: I'm hungry.
Programmer 3: I LIKE PILLOW FIGHTS!


And now she's just... sitting. This is the most dull outing I've ever witnessed.


And now she's browsing the fucking pet collar display! YOU DON'T HAVE A PET YOU HALF-BRAINED WITCH.

And now it's time to go home. Eventful, huh?


Why, yes. Yes he is.


'Hullo, Harriet. Yeah? Uh huh... right... yeah I'd heard- what? Yeah.'








'No, genies were in the first game. The Sims 2 could never have something THAT interesting.'







'Fourth wall? What the hell are you talking about? Can't we talk about something I'M interested in?'







'Yes, I know, Nathen's going to destroy the world if we're not careful. Relax, we know what we're doing! Everyone's been very responsible! I trust them implicitly.'






'They're my FRIENDS.'








'I'm NOT a sissy!'








'I can't believe she made fun of me for having all the seasons of My Little Pony Magic Adventure. It's not like they're the special limited edition or anything.'







'Such carnal passion has never before passed these innocent eyes.'







I wish Jack would read his books all the way through. Or at least continue from where he left off without picking a new one.


It's getting a tad ridiculous.

I've discovered something much more effective than throwing parties for luring other sims to your house recently. Simply dial a sim and you'll have the option to invite the entire household! Let's try to invite over the Chumbles - we haven't seen enough of those guys.


BAAAAAAART!

You scallywag.


After some doo-lallying I succeed in inviting Amin Sims! Old Death-Eyes! You know, I'm not sure we've actually ever met Amin in the flesh. He hasn't called since Day Sixteen. This might be interesting!


Just throwing a bone for all the Catriona fans wondering where she's been all day.


'H-have you been reading my book?!







'... No?'







'Look, I just like sumo wrestlers, OK? Is that so wrong?!'







'What about the clowns? And the transvestite nuns? And the spaniels?'







'IT IS LEGITIMATE LITERATURE.'









'I thought the nuns' makeup was very unflattering.'








Well done, Noo-na!


Amin is here. He's a little scary if you ask me. Nooreen goes out to greet him.

'Hey, Amin, sorry to keep you waiting. Crazy day!'








'... Amin?'








Instead of going to join her guest, Nooreen fixes herself up a chef salad. Will these two never meet? Nooreen later goes to bed. So I guess not.


I am seriously considering deleting that damn... whatever the hell it is. I hate it.


Hooray! Pyke's glacial-like slither up the career ladder is an inspiration to us all.


Pyke enjoys a well-deserved rest where she dreams pleasantly of her future... and Goopy?! I guess we didn't fulfill many of her wants today, but it seems like it was enough.

Meanwhile, Catriona awakens but has nothing to do... hmm. I think Toffee deserves a friend.



Well, uh... there you go. I'm afraid that was a lot less interesting than I thought it would be. I've put it in the gymnasium. Maybe Jack'll trip over it and kill himself.


Catriona notices a stranger in the lovetub. Why did this thing become so popular recently? It's weird.


And he's naked! Has this man no shame?

And those EYES, man... those fucking EYES.


Catriona, you're supposed to be wary of strangers. Tut tut.


Huh, he's leaving. It is very late to be fair, but I guess Amin just isn't a granny-lover.


... But he sure is one smooth operator.

And so ends the day. Tomorrow we attempt to fulfill Nooreen's wants... the non-sumo wrestler orientated ones anyway....