Day Twenty-Two

Today's gimmick- ah- condition will be satisfying a want for each Crombie. Could be interesting.

I'm in the mood for expanding the house again.



A deck! A nice outdoors relaxing area for stargazing, playing some strange sort of bingo game, and chess. Our Crombies can also grill themselves some burgers or hotdogs and enjoy them... somewhere... I forgot to include a table and chair to eat the food. I'll do that later, I guess.





A study area. I've been meaning to shift that computer in the spare room (ironically one of the most used rooms in the house) for a while now. It takes its place in a room replete with books, a comfy armchair, and a grandfather clock.



I've rearranged the recreation room a little and added some shelves full of bowling balls as far away as possible from where they'd be used simply for aesthetic reasons.



I've added a back door to the kitchen for quicker access to the 'garden'.

Why doesn't there appear to be anything in the kitchen?



Finally, I've ordered the Pykinator to stand guard over the front entrance and threaten visitors.

Let's see what the Crombies are up to this morning.



Jack wakes up, stretches his arms and climbs out of bed to begin a fresh new day. Then bursts into tears as the mundaneness of his life hits him full square across the jaw.





The love tub and King Maurice wander through Nooreen's dreams in quick succession. We can only hope these thoughts are unrelated.

The phone rings, and Jack goes to answer it.

Catriona and Pyke are at work. Nooreen has woken up with a sudden urge to finish her designs for the ultimate cockroach-killing machine.



'More lasers! More death rays!'



'Hello? Oh, hi Harriet! I feel terrible about not seeing you off last night, we should meet up some time! How's your new place? I-'



'Oh, uh, she's at work... but I'm still here-'

*CLICK*

'... I'm so alone.'

OK, let's satisfy one of Jack's wants. First of all - what are they?



Jack wants to be friends with Harriet. I don't think it would be appropriate for the poor guy to try this now.

Jack wants an MP3 player and he wants a GameBoy. I can't fulfill these without going to a community lot, so I'll skip those.

This leaves want number three: ask a sim on a date. Alright! Let's see who he's most friendly with... Catriona and Pyke are at work and Nooreen's still painting so we'll skip them right on to... Anna Wolosenko? I haven't the foggiest who that is.

Let's see how this goes. Smooze her and smooze her hard, Jack!



Aw... well at least you tried, Jack. At least you tried.



'AT LEAST THE BUBBLES LOVE ME!'

Nooreen next! Her wants are a little less complicated. She wants to earn skill points mostly, for cleaning, logic, and mechanical. Her fourth want however...



Good old Nooreen has always been the most materialistic member of the Crombie household. Let's go get her a recliner.



If the impure try to recline here, the Bears of Judgement totally flip them back into a secret furnace.



'You can never have too many robot ninja-pirates!'



Well done, Catriona! She's been working hard behind the scenes to get that promotion, lobbying here, lobbying there.



Or perhaps not? How many political careers has Scott furthered for the young women around him? What kind of a judge is he?! SimNation is full of nothing but seething corruption!

Catriona heads straight to the nearest bed. Promotion can be a tiring experience.



Watch out cockroaches, the Tiger McRoachkill 2.0 is HERE.

'The monkey is full of dynamite.'



I'll place Nooreen's... creation in front of Jack's bathroom with the Daisies O' Love.



'I love how it spins.'

Catriona awakens. It's time to fulfill a want! OK... she wants to throw a party, ask a sim on a date, freestyle for tips (don't know what this is, I'll investigate it later), or toast marshmallows.

... Let's get her to ask someone on a date! Her lifetime aspiration is to have fifty dream dates after all. It would be cruel to deny her even one crap date. The best friend available is... Jack! Let's see how THIS goes...



'Hi, Jack.'

'Oh. Hi.'

'I've got no clothes on.'

'Y-yes...'

'If you don't go on a date with me I'll break your ulna.'

'Ulp.'



Jack says yes! His joy and excitement are wonders to behold.

'I think there's a bogey on your nose.'



Catriona's trademark creepy smile does not help soothe Jack's qualms over this date.

'Well, uh, wow. A date, Catriona? I've got some drinks and there's a hot tub over there... maybe we can get cosy together, enjoy a few fine cocktails and-'



She's not that kind of a girl, Jack.



'So... do you like shoes?'

'Yeah, I like shoes.'



...



'I like hats too.'

At this point, I got an information box telling me that Nooreen was facing another career-changing decision. Unfortunately, it seems I failed to screenshot it. Here's the text that I found online:

A member of the Below Average Bowler's League has come in with a sprained his thumb and is demanding immediate attention. There are a number of free-clinic patients waiting to be seen, but Nooreen's also heard that the BABL is a
powerful political force in SimCity. She could see the man immediately, or make the point of informing him that other citizens are just as important as he is, and that he'll need to wait his turn.

The options are 'treat him' or 'tell him to wait'. To hells with bought authority, I say! Tell him to wait, Nooreen.



Well done, Nooreen. Once again a single act of common sense has promoted you without taking into account anything to do with how well you do your job. You're a GP now, so I think we can expect to see whole neighbourhoods being sent to the morgue.



It's this kind of thing that let Harold Shipman get where he did, I'm tellin' ya.

Meanwhile...



WORST. DATE. EVAR.



'Jack, you can get down from there now. She disappeared somewhere muttering something about burning Vogue magazines.'



'That's as may be, Jack, but are you going to get off the fridge? Your carpool's here.'

'... I think a spider just crawled up my leg.'

Jack goes to work.



Nooreen's broken the microwave, so I tell her to fix it. God forbid the Crombies be denied their instant noodles!



Uh-oh.



Holy mother of shit! That is not healthy.



NOOREEN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



'I KNOW NOTHING BUT PAIN.'



'That hurt, somewhat.'

Nooreen ponders her next course of action. Antiseptic for the burnt flesh? Call an ambulance?



Absolutely not! Who could possibly go preventing potential death by infection when there are baths needing cleaned?

The Gateway to Hell sits there silently. Brooding. Watching. Scheming.

Alright, it's time for another day out. But this time is special! Aggravated by the numerous incidents plaguing recent outings, Catriona (real life Catriona, peeps) decided to design a new community lot with the flaws removed. Say hello to...



The Khyber Kingdom! This community centre is massive. We'll be making more than one journey to this place.

Since Jack's at work, it's going to be a ladies' night out. I tell Catriona, Pyke, and Nooreen to go to the car. But for some reason Nooreen decided to go to bed, and Pyke just didn't get there in time. Catriona must have been quite eager to see this place.



'Professor Demon, she left without me! Why would she do something like that?!'

'When I return to the underworld I'm going to send every spectre, ghoul, and poltergeist to haunt your miserable little abode.'

'You always know how to make me feel better, Prof.'

'Don't call me that.'



To see larger versions, click the pictures.









I'm not sure what's with this room. I'm going to assume it's for 'preferred clients'. If you know what I mean.



Catriona enters the building and jackknifes over to the dance floor to inspect one of the light fittings. She stares at it then wanders off...



... to examine another light.

'What are these glowing things attached to the ceiling? Are they some sort of miniature SUN?!'





Catriona goes on to examine EVERY SINGLE LIGHT on the ground floor. She knows how to party, this girl.



Hey, it's Harriet!

'Hello, Harriet! How's the new digs?-'

'Shh... I'm nearly about to pot the last ball. That little black one's been looking daggers at me ever since I came here. And where the hell's the coffee in this place?! Where?!'

'I, uh...'



'YOU HAVE IT! WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE COFFEE, WHERE?!'

'No! I don't have any coffee!'



'THE EAR! OF COURSE!'

'Get off! Argh!'

I wonder who else is here?



'Sometimes I get confused between pool and snooker. I get confused a lot, but when I do I always follow the advice of S Club 7 and reach for the stars... it's very deep.'



My my, it's Gunther Assortment! We haven't seen this guy since Day One. Keep dancing, man, you look sort of cool in a way.



'Sorry about the coffee, Catriona... I don't know what came over me.'

'It's OK, I had a bit of waxy build-up anyway.'

'After I left last night, I realised I'd kinda forgotten to pack something... I was wondering if you'd... seen... it? Possibly?'



'You mean the videotapes?'



'THOSE videotapes?'



'Arghshitfuckshit. You didn't show them to anyone did you?'

'I may or may not have sent them to the Edinburgh Festival.'



And so began Harriet Rum's long and lucrative line of autobiographies.



I'm telling you, spinning tops are the finest conversational gambit social clubs have ever known.

Catriona walks outside and lounges on a bench.



Then she decides to sit up.



Then she lounges again.









She did this for the next two hours before grilling some hot dogs and serving them at the poolside tables.



'I say, old girl, what do YOU think of the impact impressionism has had on modern art culture?'

'I-'



'Lysistrata is a very old play dating from the fourth century BC, but do you think its humour would be properly appreciated by a modern audience?'

'Well, it-'



'Sculpture is a popular subject but do you think it can compare favourably to other artforms in a commercial climate?'



'Enough of the fucking essay questions! Also where the hell did this guy come from?'



'... he's a friend.'



'Yeah? Well I've got TWO friends.'



'I don't have to suffer this abuse, you little brat!'

'And your face looks like a gerbil's bottom!'

'Noooo!'

Meanwhile...



'Well, Brian, my species actually reproduce using a third gender in the form of a glutinous sac that hangs from the ceiling. When the time of procreation comes, we secrete special tendrils from our-'

'THAT'S ENOUGH! I'm not interested anymore! Have you seen Larry? I've been looking for him everywhere! He never came home last night.'

'Sorry, no, I have not seen the being you refer to as Larry.'

'Where could he be...?'



Out of curiosity, I tell Catriona to buy a magazine. I like to think she's got the taste for burning them after Jack's collections went up in smoke.

But with that, it's time to head on home. We'll be revisiting this place again later, hopefully with more of the Crombies!

Pyke still hasn't had any wants fulfilled. Let's deal with that.

Her wants are:



Play the guitar... nah, we've seen that plenty of times. The second square indicates that Pyke wants to be... saved from death?! No, Pyke, just no. I'm not killing you in order to boost your ego. She also wants to maximise a skill and stargaze through a telescope.

Telescope it is!



'Stars are so twinkly.'

The day is ending now, and we can only reflect on how it came to pass. At least one mystery is solved:



'HELP! I'M STUCK IN A DREAM!'