Day Twenty-One

Today I think should be formal wear day. At some point I'll get all the sims to don their fanciest outfits and head off to somewhere swanky.



'I can't take it anymore! Why do those drinks taunt me so?!'

Catriona, Pyke, and Harriet are still utterly baffled as to how they're supposed to get the drinks on the bar counter. Either they're all too thick to simply lean over or that counter was only designed to be accessed from the other side.

Guess I'd better move it.



A little night air will do them some good.



Pyke locates the drinks, but... could it be a trap?



Pyke always talks about necklaces when she's rat-arsed.

'They're just so weird! You put one on your neck... and it makes you prettier! I mean... WOW... how does that even work?!'



'Well, Pyke, I'm glad you asked me that question. For as long as we've known it, members of humanity have always decorated themselves in either efforts to be unique or to conform. The necklace whether it be understated or ornate makes an immediate impact as it is between the face and the breasts, which were in such times the most salient features of any woman. By generating this attraction, a woman was more likely to grab the attention of males.'

'Wow, thanks Catriona!'



'Remember to tune in next week when I'll be answering questions about household refurbishment and the inexplicable popularity of beige.'



'Hey, ladies, has anyone seen my collection of Cosmopolitan magazines? I've looked everywhere!'

'Catriona put them on the bonfire last week.'

'But I haven't read the November edition yet. They were going to be discussing the history and development of the ra-ra skirt!'



'Pyke, I think I need a hug. All of my magazines are gone and the ginger beer monsters are out to get me.'

'You're talking over the programme, man. I NEVER miss an episode of 'Hug The Bunny'.



'I once joined a society of world-huggers. You had to lie face down on the ground and hug the Earth so it would feel better about pollution and stuff. But... *sniff* the world never hugged me back!'

Pyke and Harriet listen to this sob-story solemnly.



'I just wish I could feel loved... and close to another human being...'

'Oh Jack...!'

They lean in closer...

'Guys, this is just wrong! It's all wrong!'



'Wouldn't you rather talk about boats?'

'Why yes, yes I would.'

Jack puts a brave face on things. Besides, he's just remembered that no one knows where he keeps his Vogues.



'Hey, Pyke, what's this programme about? Some kind of play?'

Jack explains.

'It's a theatrical representation of the parasitic nature of humanity on the Earth. Here we have the main character who represents the Earth eating live cockroaches representing the multifaceted but ultimately deleterious aspects of human society.'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!'



'Urgh... I think I'm going to be sick!'

'I didn't know you could DO that to an elephant!'

'Come on, ladies, I think it's all quite moving in its own way-'



'HOLY SHIT!'



'Well, I didn't expect that ending!'

Harriet's a little catatonic.

'Is it over yet?!'



They always put something after the credits don't they?



Nooreen rebuilds her high score empire. A fitting epilogue to that chapter of her life.



'Hey Jack, apparently there's a free toy plane with your cereal!'

NOM NOM NOM CRUNCH NOM CRUNCH

'Never mind.'



'I saw the most darling pair of shell pink plimsolls in one of my mags, and I just had to order it for my display.'

Jack, just go to a gay bar somewhere and find a man. You really ought to quit the pretence that you get any kind of joy in living in a house full of often scantily-clad women.



Pyke pities him as much as I do.

'I need something to go with them. I was thinking a dress...?'



'Necklaces, dude. Necklaces.'



'Maybe. I need to find out what would go best with the sunset cherry lipstick I bought the other day.'



'Oh, Jack, you're so gay.'



...



Just for fun, I tell Pyke to light the fire.



'And now next on Channel Five is 'Dissection of the Penis: a DIY Anatomist's Guide'.



Uh oh. Jack's caught Pyke in his bathroom.

Fury... escalating... rage... taking over!



RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGH!



'And then what happened?'

'I stamped my feet a bit and then made my excuses and left.'

'Ah, it's so wonderful to see a nice clean floor in here. Nice clean floor, nice clean bath...'

'I'm sure we're missing something.'

'Nice clean sink?'

'That's probably it.'



You awake to find yourself lying on a COUCH in a strange room. The walls are decorated with a psychedelic and colourful design. On one wall there is a WINDOW with a PALM TREE directly outside. The room appears to be empty except for a MINI BAR. There is a DOOR.

Would you like to continue? Y/N



Jack bathes, trying to shake off the feelings of personal space violation.

'The bubble bath bottles aren't in alphabetical order anymore! DRAT THAT WOMAN!'

Alas, at this point, nothing interesting was really happening.



Pyke's not doing anything interesting.



Catriona's not doing anything interesting.



Harriet's not doing anything interesting.



Nooreen's not doing anything interesting. Except being a little scary.



And Jack's not doi- hey, what? Is he doing what I think he's doing?! HE IS! He's cleaning the upstairs toilet! I'm in shock! I... I don't know what to say! This is STAGGERING.



Wow... will you look at that. Isn't that beautiful? Maybe Jack's turning over a new leaf and decided to keep the house in good shape? The toilet is a wonderful start.



Shame about the bath.



Pyke's still asleep, so I'm compelled to answer 'no'.



The moment I do so, Pyke wakes up and enjoys a cocktail. I hate it when these guys pull off something like this, it's as if the game's trying to mess with my head.



'Hey, Noo-na, I've just booked four tickets to go see that modern art gallery later tonight! I'm so excited!'

'Oh, wow, that's grea- wait. There are five of us.'

'You've got work tonight, so it's just the rest of us that are going.'

'But... I told you the other day that it was my heart's desire to see that exhibition.'

'I guess I forgot. Have fun prodding sick people!'

'... Waaah.'



'When are you going to release me, you insufferable little human?'

'Go on, do the voice!'

'I will most certainly NOT do what you want. I demand freedom!'

'The voice! The voice! The voice! The voi-'

'Fine, fine! But only this once! Ahem. "Here's Johnny!"'



'Yesssss.'

It's time for a sophisticated night out of cultural entertainment. Let's get everyone ready by putting on their formal wear. Even though Nooreen won't be going, we'll see what her outfit is later. I've no idea what they'll look like...



Catriona doesn't look half bad! Pretty neat!



Harriet looks like she just walked off the set of I, Claudius.



I think Jack looks quite debonair here.



Awesome, it goes with her hair. Pyke wins the trophy for dress-hair co-ordination.



Every breath you take,
Every move you make,
Every bond you break,
Every step you take,
Ill be watching you...



'I like safes.'



Jack gives Catriona a merciless tickling.

Pretty girls wearing revealing dresses are practically asking for a good tickle, is Jack's reasoning. I think it's a good reason.



'Professor Demon, I've dislocated my shoulder! I can't go to the exhibition like this!'

'I curse you with a thousand unspeakable tongues!'



'Catriona, I heard a rumour that Harriet's moving into a new house. Is that true?'

'Yes, Jack, yes it is.'

'I should say goodbye to her. Where is she?'





'Gee, I'm... I'm not sure.'



'I was thinking of organising some sort of tennis tournament to mark her last day here. You and me against her and Pyke. Nooreen could be the ballgirl.'

'What about the umpire?'

'Toffee said he would cover it.'

Pyke interrupts.

'Guys, have we ALWAYS had this lamp?'



'Jumping Jehosaphat, a ginger beer monster! Get the tranq gun!'



'It bit me.'



Pyke is available for consolation and an Elastoplast with a smiley face on it.

'I hate ginger beer monsters, Pyke! I HATE them!'

'There there-'



'OH MY GOD THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! AND IT'S GOT A KNIFE!'

Jack also really doesn't like beach balls? He's easily distracted, I guess.

Pyke just gives Catriona a 'can we get going now?' expression.

To the exhibition!



After sponge-bathing, Harriet changed back into her normal clothes. It's probably for the best. I'm no fashion critic, but her dress was hideous.







And finally, underneath the building is this:



POO AT YOUR OWN PERIL.



'I want to be the first woman to land on the sun.'

'Cool.'



Pyke quakes in fear at the sight of an extremely small dog.



'Harriet, have you got a simoleon I could borrow?'

'Why?'

Oh, God, please no...



COFFEE HAS FUCKED ME OVER FOR THE LAST TIME.

I'm not going to places with coffee stands from now on. If I detect even the faintest trace of that stuff, I'm telling the Crombies to go elsewhere. Look at the malevolent grin on the vendor's face. SHE knows what's going on, SHE knows none of these smuckos are going to venture upstairs, SHE knows these drinks have added nicotine...



The wide range of choices is too much for Jack who has to be gently led away by kind persons.



And so it begins. Things to note: Pyke's delirious 'I can has hot dogz' grin.



Jack comments on the hygiene standards.



?!



'So... I heard you're the girl around here who likes briefcases.'

'I also like Togolese hip-hop.'

And that's all that really happened, to be honest. More and more and more coffee was consumed. The only reason anyone went upstairs was because there's a toilet up there. Damn it all!

So, back home they went.

One thing that did take my attention was that Harriet's biggest fears were being enemies with Catriona, Pyke, and Nooreen. Not Jack, but then, why would anyone?



Nooreen playing the computer earlier broke it, so I get Pyke to fix it. Plenty of screwdriver-wiggling ensues. I'm not certain that's safe...



PROD PROD JAB WIGGLE SNAP



Catriona's broken the downstairs bath. Her solution is too mop the rapidly reappearing pools of water of course. But she's a politician so it's practically her job to take this kind of approach to problems.



Nooreen returns from another day's work.

'I must have killed at least twelve people through criminal negligence today! I'm pooped!'

She's back just in time to see Harriet leave the house. Jack is the only one not present as he's at work.



To get a sim to find their own place you have to use the newspaper. I thought you used the phone, so I spent quite a while wondering how I was going to get Harriet out of there. Thankfully I realised what I was supposed to do before I enacted my plan of getting a sim in another house to seduce her into moving in with them.



The deed is done. A taxi is coming to collect Harriet and whisk her off to 'Rum Hall', a house I've built elsewhere in the neighbourhood.

Catriona races down the hallway to say a tearful goodbye, to let all her emotions and sorrow spill out like soggy spaghetti.



'Goodbye, Harriet.'



'We'll miss you Harriet! We'll even forgive you for clogging the kitchen sink with your hair!'



This taxi is not Nooreen.



Nooreen races out to say goodbye and then throws a tantrum about walls.

Harriet pauses to reflect on her time spent with the Crombies, takes a deep breath, and steps into the taxi.



Where she is instantly vapourised. We'll miss you, Harriet!



One glance from Nooreen's brain-frying stare is enough to turn all Steeleye Span music into the Jaws theme.



'Ah, Catriona! How was your night out to the art exhibition I so dearly wanted to see but wasn't invited to? I want to hear all the details!'



'We didn't really see any of the pictures. There was this coffee stand, and uh-'



WHAM.

Nooreen steps over Catriona's broken corpse to get at a wardrobe. Yes, it's time to see what Nooreen's formal wear looks like.



Nooreen looks... well... kinda slutty.

That's it for Day Twenty-One. Who knows what the next morning will bring?

Later...



You awake to find yourself in a strange pink room.