A bowling alley! I wonder how amazingly crap the Crombies will be be at it. While I'm in a cash-splashing mood, I wonder if any of the sims want anything I can easily provide. A quick survey reveals that it would make Jack very happy if we had a 'womrat' cage. What the hell is a womrat?
Hmm, it's empty. I'll have to get one of the Crombies to purchase a womrat later.
'Pyke, I need to speak to you.'
Oh God, she knows, but how?! I've been so careful... calm down, Pyke, just deny everything. The terribly deformed genetic twin I've been hiding in the attic is just... it's just...
'Pyke, I just need to ask you about something...?'
'JESUS CHRIST, I'M SORRY! IT'S ALL THOSE EXPERIMENTS I HAVE TO DO AT THE LAB, THEY SHOWED ME PICTURES OF BARBADOS! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I SIGNED THE FORMS! IT'S NOT MY FAULT IT GOES OUT AT NIGHT TO FEAST ON THE BLOOD OF THE LIVING, IT'S NOT MY FAUUUULT!'
'I was kinda wondering if you wanted to help with the dishes.'
'Oh, right, forget what I said then.'
'... want to talk about it?'
'Nope.'
Then, suddenly, as if seized by powers beyond her control, Nooreen feels compelled to buy a womrat.
And drops the bag of rubbish she was taking to the dustbin outside on the kitchen floor. Well, I say 'drops' but it's plain for all to see that she emptied it. Nooreen, how can you be so callous?
Huckleberry succeeds Rupert's role as family pet. We all know he won't last longer than two days (perhaps even three?) and that the Crombies' innate talent for utter neglect is limitless. So don't get attached to him.
Huckleberry's journal:
When I awoke, my confines had changed. They were small, but they had always been small. In front of me was the most curious of contraptions, some sort of wheel. It was large enough for me to get inside, but ought I to? What was its purpose? I should investigate my surroundings thoroughly before undertaking any possible misadventures.
Before I could even get my bearings, I was seized, quite forcibly, by a creature of the like I have never seen before. It was at least a hundredfold of my size, tall and purple, like some sort of mobile tree shrouded with lavender. Oh, if you could have seen it, such a terror would have stilled your heart! It opened its cavernous jaws with great, white, teeth that were so intimidating I must confess my bowels loosened involuntarily. Did this creature mean to eat me?
Thankfully, eat me it did not. Instead, it pressed the soft, rounded features that encompassed the upper and lower parts of its mouth together and then touched me with them. It was utterly revolting, and I fear that I have somehow been infected by it. Could I, even now, be slowly being broken down to ease digestion later? If not, was my palatability being tested? I shudder to think. I must escape this... this cage, this prison.
Ursula, if you should ever, one day, read this journal, then I am most likely no longer of this world. I love you dearly. We will always have Womrats 'R' Us.
They stared at each other for about thirty minutes. Then:
'The womrat just shat on me.'
Then, with unspoken agreement and uncanny synchronicity they started playing peanuts (or red hands as it is known in-game).
Nooreen gives Pyke a disparaging verbal assault after losing.
Could it be? is Jack actually playing an instrument? At some point I may build a music room and stick all the instruments in it. Four instruments and four housemates... it's perfect! I will begin that tomorrow.
THEY PROMISED ME BARBAAAAAAAADOOOOOOOOS!
(for extra funny, read that again, except with a Jamaican accent.)
The Gateway to Hell is looking particularly foetid this morning, I think.
Imagine the situation. You're sitting on the lavatory, doing your business, when your flatmate bursts in and has a hissy fit at you for using the toilet when she wants to use it.
Do you:
a) Scream at them to get the hell out?
b) Burst into tears from a combined sense of violation and embarrassment?
c) smile serenely at the intruder, wishing them every success in the world?
Pyke goes to work, sadly reflecting that of all the Crombies she is both the only one to have been fired and the only one to have never been promoted. Poor Pyke.
Today's lab test is to see if she can work all day whie balancing a golf ball on top of her head.
Huckleberry's journal:
There is precious little food to be had in this cell of mine, and I fear I may not live to see one last yoghurt drop. C'est la vie, I suppose, c'est la vie...
Even just thinking about that nasty, horrid litter on the floor makes Nooreen go cross-eyed.
Yes, Nooreen, there is a pile of rubbish in the kitchen, YOU PUT IT THERE.
Nooreen can feel the urge to clean rising, rising, RISING...
'I KNOW I'LL CLEAN THE SINK.'
'Rainbow Cottage, I'd like to dedicate this song to my manager who's always made sure we that we rock hard every single night, you're a wonderful audience, I love ya!'
There's no need to look quite so dumbfounded, Jack. No-one entered the room while you were playing. Actually, while we're on the subject, who the hell puts out a tips jar IN THEIR HOUSE? It's a tad presumptuous isn't it, to expect your flatmates to fork out money just because you happen to be busking under their roof? I mean, if you don't give them anything you feel like an arsehole afterwards. What the hell?!
Yes! Catriona is finally moving up the career ladder again! This puts her on a par career-wise to Nooreen.
Catriona makes a bee-line for the closest bed. Nooreen must be like some sort of hot water bottle or something, everyone wants to share their bed with her.
Catriona snuggles in, not even considering the entertainment value of seeing whether a tennis ball would fit in Nooreen's open mouth.
Jack's making something that isn't spaghetti or gazpacho soup! I am agog with amazement. Let's see... he's making grilled cheese sandwiches apparently. Fair enough.
Catriona has cold hands.
Jack confuses 'grilled' with 'fried'. What a nincompoop!
King Maurice sees all, but is gentle at heart.
OK, it says Jack wants a... makeover station? Whatever could that be?
I go on a hunt.
Seriously? Jack, you have got to be taking the biscuit. The bathroom I could handle, the fascination with bubble baths, fine, but THIS?!
Sigh.
Lord have mercy.
Our bowling alley has its first client, let's see how he does.
'This is for my mama, my papa, and little Jimmy from down the road. God bless, everyone, let's do this thang.'
FAAAAAAAAAAIL.
Jack looks for love in the most unlikely of places.
Do you know what I think it's time for? It's time all the Crombies went on an outing together. I tell them all to drop what they're doing and head for the car.
'I wanted to be in front!'
Pyke is cautious about sitting next to Jack. All categorical evidence points to him being motion sick at the drop of a hat.
Also note: no seatbelts.
'Catriona, Pyke keeps poking me!'
'Am not!'
'Jesus Christ, stop poking each other or no one gets any sweeties!'
...
'I need a weewee.'
'Can you hold it in until we get there?'
'I'll try.'
'Poke poke poke poke.'
'Ahh, she's poking my bladder! Make her stop!'
'Pyke, stop poking him or we're TURNING AROUND RIGHT NOW.'
'Ahh, her finger went through!'
Everyone: 'Ewwwww!'
These are 'The Corner Shoppes'. Looks like a varied place! Should be an interesting place for the Crombies to explore.
... to... explore...
Jack and Pyke sit down for a good old chit-chat. In the middle of the road. Through a car. This is going to be a long night.
'JACK, I HAVE OFTEN WANTED TO TRAVEL THE WORLD. WHY? JUST BECAUSE IT'S THERE!'
'WOW, FANCY THAT!'
This dog has taken exception to Catriona. That's one weird thing about the Sims Pets expansion. All the time, random animals are passing the house or prowling community lots with nary an owner in sight.
At least Nooreen's being productive with her time. She's prepared a whole plate of hot dogs for everyone. How thoughtful!
I love her Arnold Schwarzenegger deadpan look. You know when she serves hot dogs, she's doing it serious.
The silence is always greatest just before the storm.
Catriona distracts the dog with a stick. Or at least I thought so at the time, but she spent several hours doing this. I didn't take you to this place so you could play fetch with strays!
Nooreen is all like 'bring it on, hot dog,' and it's all like 'please don't eat me, I've got a wife and three hot puppies' and then she's like 'Hasta la vista, little sausage, hasta la fuckin' vista.'
'NO, THE PROBLEM WITH PEARLS IS THAT YOU KEEP 'BORROWING' MINE!'
'IT WAS... SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH!'
Nooreen acquaints herself with this geeky looking guy in bizarre shorts. According to the game his name is... Goopy GilsCarbo? Seriously?! Goopy? I suspect this poor man is the product of a childhood of torment and abuse by his peers.
Jack explains his Grand Unified Theory of Aeroplanes to the car door.
These people are hopeless. Catriona's still playing fetch with the dog and Nooreen is just staring at some other people talking. Let's see who else is around...
'Alvin Lawson is it? Pleased to meet you, you handsome man. Tell you what, why don't we leave early, and I can take you back over to my place, we'll enjoy some wine, play... Twister... and I'll show you my snail collection.'
You aren't here, this isn't happening. It's all a terrible dream...
Catriona, unable to cope with smelling like a dead skunk, goes to the bathroom and washes herself with a sponge (where she got it, who knows?). As if that wasn't weird enough...
... the dog followed her.
'Well, no, it's nighttime, Nooreen.'
Christ, I think she's become one of the undead horde.
Can't take these guys anywhere.
The roof! The roof!
Jack starts looking around, sneaky like, and I get the feeling we're in for more of his lewd tales.
'So, Pyke, I once knew this guy, right, who bent over and asked me to do the most terrible thing!'
'He wanted me to whack a tennis ball up his arse!'
'You know some strange people-'
'DON'T INTERRUPT.'
'I told him I couldn't and he brought this whole guilt trip on my head, said I wasn't a true friend, that a real friend would have been quite happy to play squash with his anus, but noooooooo, I was too good for that sort of thing.
So, for the next couple of months, I trained a small pigeon to do what I just couldn't. To ram those little balls into that little hole with a squash racket firmly gripped in its talons.'
'That's quite a story.'
Run like the wind!
It's Nathen! Don't listen to his lies, Catriona, he wants your limbs!
'I'm writing a play at the moment, it's about a young lady, well, various young ladies, and- well, it's a work in progress, I shouldn't really talk about it.'
'Aw, come on, please? I could have a role in it, you need to be a good actor to have a job in politics!'
'I want to turn your arms into fashionable draught excluders.'
'... Excuse me?'
'Oh, sorry, I meant I thought you'd be a wonderful supporting actress. Heh. Ahem.'
Pyke runs past the ongoing discussion, her thoughts solely toilet-orientated. Deirdre looks at Catriona and Nathen and thinks about kissing.
She's a chancer, that woman.
'Hamstrings resonate and I've always wondered how well fingers would work as plectrums, my you have nice... fingers...'
'What are you doing on my toilet.'
Pyke prepares some new hot dogs for everyone. How nice of her! But beware, for one of every dozen is actually a water balloon. What a mischief maker.
Goopy joins Catriona and Nathen. Jack is joined by a blonde gentleman with shorts similar, if not the same as, Goopy's. Maybe they're part of a cult. Jack doesn't seem to pleased, I think he's been put at the kid's table with the slow-witted moron.
Pyke serves hot dogs into the hungry mouths of waiting culinary dilettantes. The guy on the left is Joe Cauliflower, second husband of Sheila Cauiflower, the woman who Scott had an affair with. Scott's bulldozing through the lives of his neighbours is legendary in these parts. Joe, it's alright to smell the hot dogs, just don't stick your nose in them.
What's with these dogs randomly wandering around the lot with nary an owner in sight? Nooreen's been sitting here for a while now, just watching them. The dog on the left is slowly working its way towards her. Like Jaws. If Jaws had a been a poodle.
What the- Pyke? What are you doing here?
'Hello I wondered if you would like some hot dogs I made them for you I'll just put them over here sorry if I bothered you I'd better go I think someone's caling me bye bye.'
'I think she likes me.'
Jack ditches the blonde guy.
'Where are you going, I thought we could be friends?'
'No offence man, but I hope your bowels distend.'
'You have wounded me deeper than I ever thought possible.'
Finally, it's time to go home. Those Crombies sure know how to enjoy a night out.
Catriona seems to be the only one who ever drives. Interesting that.
'Catriona, Pyke broke my wrist!'
'Don't be such a crybaby!'
'Aw, shucks!'
A moment of tangled confusion as Catriona and Nooreen exit the vehicle.
Jack and Pyke are exhausted and both fling themselves into the nearest bed. I managed to take this shot just as Jack sat on the whoopee cushion Pyke left there.
Catriona breaks Jack's bath. Tut tut tut. Everyone seems to be able to use the downstairs one just fine, I think they just want to annoy the poor man. Next thing you know, they'll replace his pink towels with the dolphin ballerinas with regular whites!
Well, this is just blatant cheek on Nooreen's part. She's lecturing Catriona for breaking the bath, something that she did herself not too long ago. Catriona rebels against Nooreen's finger-wagging.
'You always tell me what to do! You don't let me have sweeties after nine, you won't let me watch late-night horror films, and you won't let me read That Book. It's so unfair! It's so unfair! EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!'
As it happens, Nooreen needs mechanical skill points to progress her career, so I tell her to fix the bath. If Jack finds out he'll get all jittery and need to go out for 'retail therapy'.
As 6am approaches, everyone is asleep except for Jack who woke up and went to the kitchen to cook something, and Catriona, who is the last Crombie to enter the jacuzzi pool.
As an end to this post, I thought I'd share some details on our housemates. First of all, who's friends with who:
Catriona is best friends with Jack and Nooreen.
Jack is best friends with Catriona and friends with Nooreen and Pyke.
Pyke is best friends with Nooreen and friends with Jack.
Nooreen is best friends with Pyke and Catriona and friends with Jack.
Different sims will have interests in different things, so let's look at what the Crombies are most interested in:
Catriona is mostly interested in entertainment and sports.
Jack is mostly interested in... fashion. As if we couldn't have guessed.
Pyke is mostly interested in travel.
Nooreen is mostly interested in sports.
Now, skill points:
Catriona is at the third stage of her career. All she needs to progress is a logic point. I'm not sure how likely she is to get that, since none of the Crombies have touched the chessboard outside, and the only person to look through the telescope is Nooreen (who did so off-camera) the first day they got here.
Jack is at the second stage of his career. There's no reason why he shouldn't get a promotion soon.
Pyke is still on the first stage of her career, but there doesn't seem to be any reason why. We'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. Her piano-playing ways have seen her earn many creativity skill points.
Nooreen is at the third stage of her career. She's got a while to go before she's eligible for a promotion.
Meanwhile...
IT BEGINS.
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