Day One

Alright, here we go. The Crombies are ready to move in Sims-style.



The first thing I was greeted with was this. Jack and Nooreen are happily chatting off to the side whilst Pyke and Catriona are standing bolt upright in line like robot soldiers off the conveyor belt. Creepy.

Well, if we're going to get to know these guys properly, we should find out just what it is that makes them tick. We'll have a look at their aspirations which, for the uninitiated, are our sims' most coveted dreams, their greatest hope, the VERY REASON THEY WERE BORN.

So.



Nooreen wants to earn a bucketload of cash and stick it up her nose and laugh maniacally. That's a pretty classy aspiration.



Pyke also wants to laugh maniacally, but preferably with the sound of lightning crashing in the background rather than the clinking of coins. Cackling to herself as she blends various chemicals in her secret laboratory, discovering new compounds and ordering Igor out into the night on a hunt for codeine. I'd say it was pretty apt.



Jesus Christ, Jack. Moving on.



Catriona wants to break the hearts of at least fifty innocent men if I'm reading this correctly. Make them think they're special then it'll be all 'WELL I'M GOING TO GO AND WATCH WINX CLUB FOR A FEW HOURS, MY NUMBER'S PROBABLY GOT A ZERO AT THE END BYE' and then the door will slam in his face, poor sap.



'The boat,' says Pyke, 'is a Christian, and ultimately erroneous theological concept that has seen its origins ever since the story of Noah and his ark. Seriously, if I had an ark I'd probably only get two of every cool animal. Like bonobos. Bonobos are always cool.'

Jack seems to agree and gives Pyke a Fonzie impression. I wonder where Nooreen is-



AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!



'Aw maaaan, I had a boat too, but it would never go straight. I loved that little boat.'

Nooreen looks on, dispassionately.



The conversation moves on to the topical realm of make-up and cosmetics which Jack clearly approves of.



'What do I like more than make-up? WHAT DO I LIKE MORE THAN MAKE-UP?!'



Nooreen listens silently... staring, ALWAYS staring. It's beginning to permeate my brain.



Jack expresses exactly how he feels about hats.



And Nooreen is the first of our motley crew to enter the house! I'm a little surprised how disinterested they've been so far about the marvellous edifice I have wrought from the ether. Oh well, let's see what she does.



She's reading a newspaper! How wonderfully... dull. Still, it's progress. It looks like the others might follow in her wake.



Or perhaps not. Catriona, blissfully unaware of the rest of the universe is busy torturing Rupert with some sort of cruel electrode attached to a piece of string. That's one harsh mistress. Look at him, rolling in pain and caterwauling to the heavens. Who would do such a thing?



Pyke meanwhile has made a derogatory comment about Jack's favourite lipstick shade so he lays into her with a pillow. Look at his expression, he's ruthless! He probably took a cricket bat to his mother's head the first time she told him to go to his room.



Ka-pow!

Eventually, however, the rest of the gang wander in, but there's an awkward moment when both Jack and Pyke wish to use the same toilet and Pyke gets there first. Jack is majorly pissed off.



Grr!



Aaaaaaaaaawkwaaaaaaaard.



Jack discovers much to his delight a bowl of rancid slop and tucks in vigourously. Urgh. Botulism be damned!



Catriona, like Jack, holds personal health in disdain as she prepares to gorge herself on the charred remains of whatever she just put in the oven. 'Awesome house, huh?' she says to Jack who is by now off his head from the glowing green mushrooms growing in his cereal.

Pyke looms menacingly over Nooreen.



KIIIIIIIIIISS IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.



'I just know we're going to be best friends forever!'



Defeated, Jack has found his way to the first floor bathroom which is notable for its overuse of shocking your-eyes-will-melt-from-their-sockets pink. I think he's still smarting from his encounter with Pyke. Observe the disconsolate look of resignation in his eyes. Those are the eyes of a man who has Given Up.



Ah, time to see some of the local colour!



It's three members of the Assortment family! They live just across the road from the Crombies. An odd bunch. This one is Gunther. He's sort of a cross between a redhead Dracula and the Monopoly man.



This is Deirdre. She's a damn sight uglier than her husband, that's for sure.



Finally we have- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST



It hardly matters though because no-one answers the door to greet them. Jack instead looks into the swirling depths of the jacuzzi and has second thoughts. That water could be hot.



Catriona decides to tickle Nooreen who does not appear amused.



Justice is swift.



One day I'll fly away,
Leave all this to yesterday...



Pyke decides to have a tinkle on the ivories, optimistically putting out a jar for tips. She sounds dreadful.



'I totally dig sumo wrestlers. There's something about their huge swollen bodies slamming into each other like great big hairy butterballs that just... does something to me.'



Catriona tactfully changes the subject.



Nooreen tips Pyke's cacophonous din with five simoleons and then turns on the massive audio system to show she didn't really mean it and shakes her hips to the funky latin beat. Ooh, buuuuurn!



The phone rang and both Nooreen and Catriona clamoured to reach it but neither could because the stereo system was in the way so I quickly removed it and replaced it with a smaller one. This didn't stop Catriona complaining though.



And like a snake Nooreen is back on the case, snatching the telephone before Catriona can quite get over the surprise of the stereo shrinking.



Nooreen's efforts fly in her face however as some random computer-generated sim seeks the attention of our Catriona. I'm surprised how quickly word's got round about our new neighbours despite their total shunning of the Assortment family. Doorbell? What doorbell? I click yes.



But before Catriona can do anything, Nooreen takes out her frustrations once again in the form of feathery combat. The programmers must have really enjoyed doing these pillow fights because this is something like the third bloody time they've done it today. Seriously, if this is going to be a trend I'm going to edit it out. And Christ, I don't think Nooreen knows her own strength, Catriona's eye looks like it's about to blast out like a cork from a popgun.



It happens when they change something.



Jack continues to soak in the hot tub, some TWELVE FUCKING HOURS since he got in. I think he might be dead.



Catriona is the first one to call it a night. I feel I must point out that there are a total of four double beds in the house, that's eight fully comfort-designed areas for sleeping, and yet she has opted to nap on the couch instead. Oh well, at least she's happy, dreaming of her new home.



Like Jack, Pyke has spent nearly all day doing one thing. She's gained three 'creativity points' because of this and the music she is playing is slowly becoming tonal.



I just missed it, but Nooreen took it upon herself to fill in the Gateway to Hell in the front. Godspeed, little hole.

Nooreen stands back surveying her work. Already the guilt is setting in.



Jack FINALLY emerges from the pool, after realising his attempts to saturate nutrients from the bubbles through his skin were failing miserably.



As midnight comes, Jack puts what looks like a large novelty cup of coffee into the microwave. His expression yields nothing to what goes on behind it.

And that's a rap for day one! Wow, that took me a long time to put all this together. Tomorrow, I think I'll try to get them jobs. If possible, ones that match their aspirations for Jack and Pyke.