Day Six

I decided it was high time to give our sims some more things to do so I expanded the recreation room. It now includes a pool table, an exercise machine, and a poker table. I also added some funky lights.



I also moved the stairs slightly because I accidentally moved them whilst mucking about and it wouldn't let me put them back. Grr! I put a stylish wee fountain at the top of the stairs.

In other news:



What a shocker! Who'da thunk it? I didn't even know Nooreen had an e-mail address. She certainly hasn't sent any. Silly Nooreen.



Nooreen decides to sweep away the dissolved remains of the vermin that infested the house's anterior two days ago. I can't believe this came second in her priorities of things to do to checking e-mails she can't possibly have. Do these sims have nothing they want to do?!



Clearly taking baths isn't on the agenda. Pyke's own malodorous reek mixes with the apocalyptic scent of expired spaghetti bolognese. She samples the results.



Nooreen admires Pyke who acts out the whole 'Who, me? You're too kind.' ritual.

Personally, I think it looks like Nooreen's about to go for the throat.



Pyke returns the favour.

'Nooreen, you look like a house, not this house, a nicer house with windows with black frames that are reminiscent of your glasses. Yes.'



Jack correctly identifies another thing that is not Nooreen. Catriona missed work again today. She's becoming really tardy. Maybe something's bothering her.



This is Nooreen watching TV in bed, the first time she has done so. Perhaps it's the first time she's watched TV at all? 'Look at all the moving pictures!' is what her expression says to me.



Having drinks at twelve in the afternoon, Catriona? That's a slippery slope.



Told you so.



INVISIBLE ROWBOAT. YES. YES. YES. SET SAIL FOR PORT TOWEL RACK, THERE BE TREASURE IN THEM MEDICINE CABINETS.



Pyke returns from work. Being a test subject's a hard job. All week she's been deprived of vitamin D and now she is rickets-tastic!



She remains upbeat about the whole thing however. Although her expression says 'I wish I had never been born' she is actually laughing and singing with cartoon rabbits and bluebirds on the inside.



GODDAMN FUCKING BALLS WON'T GO DOWN FUCKING HOLES FUCK DAMN BITCH FUCK GO DOWN FUCKING HOLES FUCK RAPE FUCKING POOL I HATE EVERYTHING

(Google search will have a wonderful time with that)



This phone has been ringing for nearly four hours. That's what I call dedication. But will any of our Crombies actually answer it? Ever?



The secret ingredient is alienation.



Hallelujah! Jack answers the phone. Someone wishes to co-found a Society for People With Scary Eyes. Seriously, this caller looks like he's been possessed.

Unfortunately though, Nooreen is at work so the gentleman caller is politely turned away.



Catriona inaugurates herself into the Hall of Flame. Every single member of the Crombie household is now established in its hallowed corridors. Go team!



'Ha ha ha, my bass sounds like the fire alarm. Ha ha ha!'



The sprinkler makes short work of the fire. That microwave is one robust piece of kit. How many times has it combusted in our sims' faces now?

Catriona gets cold water down her back. Jack is so surprised his arm falls off at the elbow.



Do you ever get the feeling someone's watching you?



'When the Hirtrogrians come from the planet Mandrellavox to take my people away from here we will leave this place to its fiery fate in the full blazes of their death rays! You will all be purged in a GREAT FIRE.'

'Is that right?'



'We will be fed peeled grapes at the right hand side of our beloved Lord Gillsworth who will reign firmly but fairly with an iron fin... oh, happy day...'

'Tell me more! Tell me more!'



'It is said that when the time comes, the Lord Gillsworth will come and collect us all personally and lead us to the Great Temple in the last great pilgrimage of Earth.'

'Woooooow!'



Jack had spent all his life wanting to be in a thought bubble but now he was finally here he couldn't think what to say. Oh the humanity!

Actual Jack, meanwhile, is still gobsmacked about Catriona's history of cult worship.

'And eternal salvation ONLY cost you your ties with family and friends and your life savings?'



'Yes, I know! I managed to get you and the other two in by classifying you as house plants.'



Catriona and Jack wager their souls on a game of rock, scissors, paper.



Jack is a sore winner.



Catriona is somewhat narked. She resolves to settle this dispute the sensible way: bloody murder.



But... but what if she was wrong? What if the Church of the Blessed Hirtrogrians were just a money-scamming faux-religious cult? Catriona renounces her faith and decides to live a life true to herself with no violence or bloody vengeance.

Until...



...someone is using the downstairs bath when she needs the toilet.

'Let me in, my bladder's about to do a John Hurt!'



Jack... you've changed.

You can just tell he's thinking 'not pink enough' though.



THE MAN MUST BE BROUGHT TO AN END.

Catriona only just worked out that the solution to her problem was to use the upstairs toilet. Jack eventually left the bathroom to go and tip Pyke who was still playing bass by this time.



Wait... what's going on?



This is Jack and Pyke occupying the exact same space. It's very disturbing. Not only does he- she- they- IT have five fingers and no thumb in this picture, it looks like Jack's just hunted Pyke down, scalped her, and is now wearing it like some sort of grotesque trophy.



'Twas a monstrosity never meant to walk this Earth.



Finally, they manage to extricate their fused anatomies and Jack plays some guitar to soothe his frazzled nerves. He points daggers at Pyke as she leaves, unsure what just happened but confident that it was her fault.

'Don't you ever touch my pancreas again.'



Catriona, obviously following Pyke's example, slips into Nooreen's bed. Nooreen is dreaming about the jacuzzi pool. What plans could she have...



Jack gets into the carpool heading for another glorious day golf caddying. Golf caddies have a carpool? Next thing you'll be telling me is that they have a union or something. Jack notices a piece of gum stuck to the door handle and calls dibs.



Nooreen looks up for a moment, and, unknown to her, several hundred feet up in the air, a flock of geese has flown into the path of her gaze and burst into flames.

Catriona dreams wistfully of the house containing more sophisticated art. There's a rumour around the house that Jack has drilled eyeholes into the painting above the toilet upstairs. So he can find out who's been using his special toilet paper with the waltzing teddy bears on it. YOU NEVER KNOW.